Three quarters of UK couples (74%) are speaking different ‘money languages’, with different communication styles causing conflict for two-thirds of couples (66%) and delaying major life milestones such as home ownership and starting a family.

As a result, financial compatibility has become a top three priority for people when looking for a partner, alongside sexual compatibility and shared interests, and above shared political and religious beliefs.

A new study of 2,000 UK couples reveals that people have one of seven ‘money languages’, each with varying degrees of compatibility. The study, commissioned by Starling Bank, details how communication issues can be overcome, with relationship expert Hayley Quinn and personal finance expert Ellie Austin-Williams offering guidance on how different languages can better align on money matters.

Introducing: Money languages

“We have Love Languages, and now we have Money Languages, which we’ve created to give couples the vocabulary they need to talk about their finances,” said Becca Stroud, personal finance expert at Starling.

Financial feuds

According to Starling’s research, money matters are a significant source of tension, with 76% of all couples arguing about money regardless of their approach to managing their finances. But this figure rises sharply when money languages diverge, with 97% of partnerships between Financial Avoidance and Acts of Finance experiencing conflict over money, followed by 92% of Lifestyle Enrichment and Money Know How pairings.

These clashes often play out in day-to-day arguments, including disagreements over non-essential spending (17%) and how much to save (15%). Different views on finances can also stall major financial decisions; one in seven couples have put off buying a home due to a lack of financial alignment (14%), while one in ten have delayed having children or getting married.

Couples that speak the same money language show below average levels of conflict, including paired Scarcity Mindsets (63%) and Money Know Hows (64%).  But household harmony isn’t limited to couples who are alike; Starling’s study indicates that couples can grow to speak each others’ money language over time, with couples who have been in relationships for ten years or more twice as likely not to argue (29%) than those together for less than ten years (15%).

“I see firsthand how many relationships struggle under the weight of different approaches to money, often leading to financial secrets and frustration. Most UK couples have a different money language, so rather than trying to fundamentally change your approach to money, the key is to understand and respect your partner’s,” said Hayley Quinn, dating coach and relationship expert.

Breaking the taboo

Brits recognise the importance of money conversations, and nearly two-thirds (64%) like the idea of talking more openly about money with their other half.

But Starling’s research suggests money conversations aren’t happening in relationships’ nascent stages, as the topic is still shrouded in taboo. Talking about money on a first date is set to give a quarter of Brits ‘the ick’ (26%) - three times that of those turned off by conversations about marriage or children (8%).

Even established couples are keeping quiet, as over a third (37%) admit to having a financial secret, such as a secret credit card or loan (10%) or hidden savings pot (11%).

Let’s Talk Money

To help couples communicate better and improve their relationship with money, Starling has created a new interactive tool that helps people identify and understand their ‘money language’, and offers advice on how to better communicate with other money languages. The tool aims to strengthen financial communication and help couples build stronger long-term foundations.

Ellie Austin-Williams, personal finance expert, added: “Money is rarely just about the numbers; it’s about our feelings and beliefs. By identifying your money language, you can start to understand why a certain spending habit might be a source of security for you, while it causes anxiety for your partner. It’s the first step to building a shared financial vocabulary and accelerating your shared goals.”

To learn your money language and learn how to better communicate with your partner based on their money language, try the free, interactive Money Language tool, which is live on Starling’s website now.

Money Languages: road tested

Speaking on his own money language, Olympian Tom Daley said, “I love to spend; on other people, gifts for my family, my children, and on experiences. That makes my money language Lifestyle Enrichment, and I truly feel that if spending on something that is going to help you work better, improve your life, or make your loved ones happy, it's worth it.

“Learning our money languages has been so enlightening; it really feels like opposites attract when it comes to our approaches to finance. While I could be less impulsive, I try to convince him to be less frugal, and we meet in the middle to make the perfect team as a couple and as parents."

On the other hand Tom’s husband, screenwriter and director Dustin Lance Black said: “With Scarcity Mindset as my money language, I can be seen as the guardrail in the relationship - I wish I could walk into a shop and buy something without checking the price tag! I like to save, but also make sure our family is set up for the future, whatever happens, with funds, smart investments and a frugal approach.

“Learning more about our money languages has helped me understand our relationship even more. We may speak different languages, but we also balance each other out, making us really financially healthy and harmonious!"