Bank Customers Aren’t Always Right
- Chris Skinner, Chairman at The Financial Services Club
- 03.08.2016 08:30 am Banks
It’s August – the quietest month in business. Everyone I email sends back an out of office autoreply, and yet I’m here still blogging. So what to blog about? Well, this month might be a little inconsistent, but I do love posting funny stories in bank branches. The reason is (a) they’re funny and (b) it reminds you why we have bank branches. So here’s some of the best from [the customer is] notalwaysright.com.
(I work at a bank in a small lake-side city with lots of retired older folks. While working the drive-thru I have this exchange.)
Me: “Good morning!”
Customer: “I want to exchange this for 500 dollar bills.”
(He places a stack of 20s, 50s, and 100s in the drawer.)
Me: “Sir… I’m sorry we don’t have any 500s I can exchange the smaller bills for one hundred dollar bi—“
Customer: “That’s bull-s***! I BUY 500 DOLLAR BILLS ALL THE TIME! THE BANK ORDERS THEM FOR ME!”
Me: “Sir, we can’t even order those bills; they stopped printing them back in the 1970s.”
(The customer glares at me for a few moments, grabs his money out of the drawer and points at me.)
Customer: “I know what’s going on here. You’re covering for him.”
Me: “What?”
Customer: “This is Obama’s doing!”
(I work in a bank call center. More often than not, I get calls about people who want to appeal late fees on their credit cards.)
Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. How can I help you today?”
Customer: “I would like to appeal my late fee on my credit statement.”
Me: “Sure thing. What is the reason you are appealing your late fee?”
Customer: “I forgot to pay my bill.”
(A customer walks up to my window.)
Me: “Hello! What can I help you with today?”
Customer: “Yes, one of your customers just gave me this check, and I want to be sure it will clear before I deposit it in my bank.”
(This is a fairly common request. We are allowed to either confirm or deny that a check will “clear” without giving out any other information about the check-writer’s account.)
Me: “Sure, I can help you with that.”
(I pull up the account and discover that it will clear easily.)
Me: “Yes, sir, it will clear.”
Customer: “Great. Now, I want you to put a freeze on the funds so it will still clear tomorrow. I’m not from here, so I won’t get to my bank until then.”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I can’t do that.”
Customer: “Why not?!”
Me: “Since you’re not an owner of the account, I can’t do that.”
Customer: “Well, I just don’t understand.”
Me: “Sir, is your name on the account?”
Customer: “No.”
Me: “Then I can’t take any direction from you on what to do with it.”
Customer: “I’m not asking to take money out of their account. I am asking you to put a freeze on the funds so that they will still be there tomorrow. How hard is that?”
Me: “So, just to get this straight, you would like me to put a freeze on funds on an account that your name is not on, and you have no ownership claims on whatsoever?”
Customer: “YES! Is that so hard to understand?”
Me: “I still can’t do that.”
Customer: “WHY NOT?!”
Me: “Because your name is not on the account. I cannot do anything to this account because your name is not on it. This account is not owned by you. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”
Customer: “FINE!” *stomps out*
Coworker: “Did he really think that was an okay thing to do?”
Me: “I wonder about the general public sometimes…”
(Not the first time I’ve gotten a request to “freeze” funds on someone’s account, but definitely the most belligerent reaction!)
Me: “Good afternoon, [Bank]; how may I direct your call?”
Elderly Customer: “So today is not a holiday?”
Me: “No, ma’am, we are open.”
Elderly Customer: “Well, I tried to call my doctor’s office and they aren’t answering. Are you sure it’s not a holiday?”
Me:“Yes, ma’am, I am positive that it is not a holiday.”
Elderly Customer: “I was wondering why you would be answering the phone if it was a holiday.”
Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you today is not a holiday.”
Elderly Customer: “Is Monday a holiday?”
Me: “No, ma’am, there are no bank holidays at all this month.”
Elderly Customer: “…”
Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with, ma’am?”
Elderly Customer: “Why won’t my doctor answer the phone?”
And now my personal favourite …
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 44
Customer: “I have your mobile app… I know I can take a picture of a check and make a deposit that way. But I want to know how to make a mobile withdrawal…”
Me: “You want to know if you can make a mobile withdrawal?”
Customer: “Yes. I can’t figure out any way to do that.”
Me: “Well, sir, there is no way to do that because you would have to go to an ATM or into a branch to get actual cash.”
Customer: “But I’m not at an ATM and your branch is closed. I want to deposit this check through the app and get cash right now.”
Me: “Well sir, frankly, technology hasn’t gotten to the point where mobile phones can print – and even at that, printing money, unless done by the government, is illegal.”
Customer: “So I can’t make a mobile withdrawal?”
Me: “No, sir.”
Customer: “That’s stupid.” *click*
